When I was younger I thought a lot about my future self. What I would be doing, where I would be, who would be in my life, etc. I had dreams of who that person would be.
The funny thing with future self dreams… is that most of the time they don’t come true. I mean we can set goals and sometimes we meet them but there is nothing that will make our plans come 100% true.
I can tell you my 12 year old self didn’t think or plan that my 27 1/2 year old self would still be single. I can also tell you though that my 12 year old self DID know my 27 1/2 year old self would be working with dogs. So this post is a letter to my my past self.
“Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I’m
Learning to breathe
I’m learning to crawl
I’m finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I’m living again, awake and alive
I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies”
- Switchfoot – Learning to Breathe
Dear Past Self,
Things probably won’t go how you are planning. And that is okay. You have a beautiful life.
I can tell you that life is hard. That things don’t just come to you. I think you know that deep down but sometimes it is hard to put thoughts to action.
We are going to be 28 this year. We are still single and waiting. No, we aren’t married with kids. No, we haven’t found the one. No, we don’t have the dream house. The reality is we have been single this whole time. We have been waiting and honestly, hoping. Yes, we are okay, Yes, we are loved. Yes, God still has a plan for us. Yes, we believe he is still out there… he just got lost 🙂
There will be boys you liked. They will come and go. Some will be harder to let go than others. But, if they weren’t meant for your story then that means there is better coming. As hard as that can be to think of in the moment. Keep going – your life has meaning even without a boy!
You have achieved so many goals though. You have a very strong resume working with dogs. You have been doing it for nearly 15 years. You have a strong work ethic and you give all your knowledge to your job. You are valued. You may not achieve the goals you have in agility you hoped and dreamed for (yet) but you have 3 wonderful amazing border collies (yes! three!). Who love to not only play sports with you but also just live with you.
Friends will come and go. You will meet some of your most amazing and special people in high school. You will move a lot. Thats okay though. You will learn so much and you will meet so many more people. Even if its scary. Your true friends will always be there for you when you need them.
There will be some very very hard times. I can tell you that it will not be easy. There will be loss, there will be heartache, there will be panic, there will be sadness, and so much more. God loves you and your family through it all though. He has so many blessing for the future in store through them all. Keep your focus on him through everything and you will make it. Those amazing people you will meet… they will help you too.
You are an AUNT! Not to one, two, three, four, or even 5. You are so blessed with wonderful nieces and nephews who love you to death. They will bring so much joy to your life. You can spoil them and be their best Aunt Abby ever. I think we always knew this life is what we were made for.
You’re still everyones confidant. You are the calming presence in most any scenario. You are known as the level head. Keep that. Don’t ever let it fade. You are the peace to so many peoples lives when they need it most. Ask God to help you and use it for good. Keep pushing on.
I know it can be lonely sometimes. I know we aren’t always outgoing. We can struggle to make friends. We can struggle to talk. We are loved though. I can’t say it enough. Even when we feel lonely or left out because of where we are in life or when we can’t speak up. You are still a part of this life and you have something to add to it. Don’t ever forget that. People enjoy you as their friend. Don’t ever let your inner voice tell you that you aren’t wanted.
Above all, keep your eyes on God. He will keep you safe. He will guide you in all your ways if only you acknowledge him. Never be afraid to share that either. He is the answer to life. He is the sun that rises and sets each day. He is there through it all.
Your Future Self
p.s. Cancel all your plans for 2020. Its okay, really, just maybe also stock up on food and TP. You may need them. You will actually find that life is even more glorious when everything is stripped away.
What would you say to your past self?