The Way We Say Goodbye

“And the way we say goobye
Is not the way that anyone would do
Like a wave out on the ocean
I will always come right back to you
Like we blinked, not a moment is gone
(Nothing changed, nothing fades, nothing lost)
We pick up where we left off
It’s like the world is draped in a camouflage
And sometimes never what it seems
Everyone’s got different things
They hide behind or try to be
But the things I carry with me 
All remind me who I am
When so much of me is not with me
What matters most is what I leave
Behind for you to keep
So smile when you think of me”

Family. Webster’s dictionary describes it as this:

“a group of persons of common ancestry”
 My definition is much different though. Family to me is a group of people who are there for another in the group as soon as they are needed. 
Yes, I have physical family and they will always be my number #1. I would not be who or where I am in life without them. 
 I also though would never be where I am if not for my non-physical family. There is many of them in my life. So many I could never list them all. Some have come and gone in my life. Some are still here. The goodbyes of those people are the hardest. Temporary or Forever. 
 I have moved a lot in my life. I never thought a lot about it though. Its what we did. Until this last move. I always missed certain people of whom I would call great friends from where we moved from. It was not the deep conflict and pain I feel now though. 
 I had an entire physical family I came “home” too and a non-physical family I left. 
 I had a group of people around me who kept me going through some of the biggest changes in my life. I had the very best friends I could have ever dreamed of. They were Family
 I would not change my decision to move. That was hard but in a way easy. My physical family needed me. I love being with them. I just about cry every day though at the thought of not being able to drive to see my friends and be in their arms for a hug within 15 minutes. 
 On my last night with them. A lot of things happened. We laughed until we cried and also spilled our feelings till we cried. We had been through some rough stuff in the months before I moved. We were able to leave it all behind though and settle it all right there. We could spill our feelings and never look back. 
 The ache in my heart for more times like that is so big. I know its not the end. We will always come back and we still talk. As nice as facebook, email, and such is nice. You can’t get that feeling of being truly there though. You feel left out of things you would have known in a instant if you where close. When your friends are feeling down you can’t go cheer them up with a movie day or just a fun adventure. You have to try your best at just speaking. 
 When so much of me is not with me. 
I couldn’t have said it better than that line. So much of me got left. In my friends – My family. 
I am working to find how to get it back. Or find a way to live without it. I will always keep going though and I am sure I will find it. New family will be found to add to my old family. Slowly, very slowly I hope that gap will be filled or patched. Though the hole is very deep and the bar has been set very high. 
“Like a wave out on the ocean
I will always come right back to you”
So to my family (physical and not). Thank you. This post may have sounded depressing. It was meant to show how much you have meant to me though. You have made such a good impact in my life I am having a very hard time being away. You have never told me no. You have never let me stop living. So, for you I will not stop now. I will try to go on with the words and love you have given me. The words you will continue to give. I will do it all with the joy that I will have when I can hug you again and say thank you in person. 
So smile when you think of me… for that is the way we say a temporary goodbye
There’s something in a simple hug
That always warms the heart,
It welcomes us back home
And makes it easier to part….
~Johnny Ray Ryder, Jr.

And so we meet again…

I know it has been a long time. I am sorry to my dear little blog! Life just got a hold of me and wouldn’t let me go! The good news is that my brain is exploding with thoughts! I am not even sure what to post first.

So we will start with this I guess.

Life. Is. Short.

Something that has been playing in my mind many times over lately. Cherish every moment as your last because it really could be over like that. Even one thing you do or someone you know could not be there.

Every thing in life is worth working for. Its worth pushing that extra mile. The push will make you sweat, cry, and want to stop. When you reach the end though. Its like a big fan is turned on you and you are given a big glass of water. You feel totally refreshed.

We just keep pushing till we can do it

I have had a lot of people push me in my life. Though this post I am gonna talk about the agility people who have pushed me.

Linda Miller. My first long term agility instructor. If it weren’t for her. I may not still be in agility. I may have given up and never had another BC. She gave me hope. She told me not to give up. Skye had issues. Major ones. She saw our potential though. She saw the glimpses of an amazing agility dog. She didn’t let me give up. I wanted too. Trust me. She always told me I handled it better than many adults she had worked with. I feel like I did… in class. Though I spent many nights crying at home thinking that night was the end. Not just of agility but my time with Skye. Every week though as long as Linda said come back I did though. I let her push us each week to try again. We are where we are because of her.

Debbie Sharp and Shelley Z. These two were our “next step”. Where Linda pushed me in the basics. They pushed me in the rest. I never felt so much like giving up in their class. We were past that. It was hard though. Now that I could focus on agility. I was an inexperienced handler with a fast and driven BC. They helped me as much as they could though. They pushed me to do the thing I was scared too… Trial. Then they stayed with me the whole time helping me with courses and how things worked. I attribute my good understanding of how shows and titles work to them. Its a big part many trainers skip over. They pushed us to understand the rules of the game.

Heather K. My crazy BC buddy. We had similar issues with our dogs and so we naturally bonded. She has been my buddy all along. We have moved along in agility in very similar ways. She has been an amazing friend through it all. Thanks for pushing me to just be a better person too!

Hillary Graff. Oh man Hillary. I would consider her one of my best friends. She may not know it till now. She helped me a lot though. She has been a huge support and help. She was there through getting Leap and big changes in my life. She never let me feel down on how we did. She was always there to help me see the good. She also gave me the great adventures and tons of laughs I needed! Plus she has like the cutest little dogs EVER!

Barb and Rosanne Demascio. These two pushed me in the skills no one else had and they made it fun! They were a huge help with little crazy Leap. I didn’t get to go to many classes but I always left them feeling like I learned something. We did much more international type stuff. Which was good considering my plans to maybe do something like that with Leap. Rosanne was totally new to me with the way she taught and trained. In a very good way. I was at a point where I needed that. I needed a new look and help. She easily gave it with an extra push too!

Jessica Crawford. I only did I think 2-3 lessons with Jess. They are still the only privates I have ever taken. I got so much out of them though. She pushed me by making me run her boy Cru. She pushed me by asking questions that I had to think about the answer. She pushed me to train harder. Go back to the basics and do it well. She pushed me to be a better ME. That was really important to me then. In a time I felt like many people wanted me to handle or be like someone else. She told me to just be me and run my dogs how I felt comfortable but also in a  way that worked!

I would thank all these people daily in person if I could. Their are tons of other people who have inspired and pushed me. They have pushed me by being critical. Have pushed me by praising me. All of it is taken as learning.

While agility has been a challenge for us lately. I know we can do it. I know we can be a better us because all these people believe in us. If they didn’t they wouldn’t have put the work in us that they did.

So this post is my dedication to them. They dedicated their time to me and thats more than I can even thank them for. I didn’t wanna waste another day without telling them and the world what they mean to me. Thank You.

“We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” – Ronald Reagan

The push. Its a long slow push. Its hard. Its Easy. Its worth it. Always.

I have tons of other thoughts to be posted here eventually. Lots of things been going on! So check back in the coming weeks 🙂