The Way We Say Goodbye

“And the way we say goobye
Is not the way that anyone would do
Like a wave out on the ocean
I will always come right back to you
Like we blinked, not a moment is gone
(Nothing changed, nothing fades, nothing lost)
We pick up where we left off
It’s like the world is draped in a camouflage
And sometimes never what it seems
Everyone’s got different things
They hide behind or try to be
But the things I carry with me 
All remind me who I am
When so much of me is not with me
What matters most is what I leave
Behind for you to keep
So smile when you think of me”

Family. Webster’s dictionary describes it as this:

“a group of persons of common ancestry”
 
 My definition is much different though. Family to me is a group of people who are there for another in the group as soon as they are needed. 
 
Yes, I have physical family and they will always be my number #1. I would not be who or where I am in life without them. 
 
 I also though would never be where I am if not for my non-physical family. There is many of them in my life. So many I could never list them all. Some have come and gone in my life. Some are still here. The goodbyes of those people are the hardest. Temporary or Forever. 
 
 I have moved a lot in my life. I never thought a lot about it though. Its what we did. Until this last move. I always missed certain people of whom I would call great friends from where we moved from. It was not the deep conflict and pain I feel now though. 
 
 I had an entire physical family I came “home” too and a non-physical family I left. 
 
 I had a group of people around me who kept me going through some of the biggest changes in my life. I had the very best friends I could have ever dreamed of. They were Family
 
 I would not change my decision to move. That was hard but in a way easy. My physical family needed me. I love being with them. I just about cry every day though at the thought of not being able to drive to see my friends and be in their arms for a hug within 15 minutes. 
 
 On my last night with them. A lot of things happened. We laughed until we cried and also spilled our feelings till we cried. We had been through some rough stuff in the months before I moved. We were able to leave it all behind though and settle it all right there. We could spill our feelings and never look back. 
 
 The ache in my heart for more times like that is so big. I know its not the end. We will always come back and we still talk. As nice as facebook, email, and such is nice. You can’t get that feeling of being truly there though. You feel left out of things you would have known in a instant if you where close. When your friends are feeling down you can’t go cheer them up with a movie day or just a fun adventure. You have to try your best at just speaking. 
 
 When so much of me is not with me. 
 
I couldn’t have said it better than that line. So much of me got left. In my friends – My family. 
 
I am working to find how to get it back. Or find a way to live without it. I will always keep going though and I am sure I will find it. New family will be found to add to my old family. Slowly, very slowly I hope that gap will be filled or patched. Though the hole is very deep and the bar has been set very high. 
 
“Like a wave out on the ocean
I will always come right back to you”
 
So to my family (physical and not). Thank you. This post may have sounded depressing. It was meant to show how much you have meant to me though. You have made such a good impact in my life I am having a very hard time being away. You have never told me no. You have never let me stop living. So, for you I will not stop now. I will try to go on with the words and love you have given me. The words you will continue to give. I will do it all with the joy that I will have when I can hug you again and say thank you in person. 
 
So smile when you think of me… for that is the way we say a temporary goodbye
 
There’s something in a simple hug
That always warms the heart,
It welcomes us back home
And makes it easier to part….
~Johnny Ray Ryder, Jr.
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