Do you ever feel like writing (or talking) every single thing on your mind out… but yet having nothing to say? Or nothing you can actually share out loud. I do. Thats pretty much where I am. I am going to share some anyways though. No matter the outcome!
I feel like the last month has been an extreme month of highs and lows. It has been a good month for me though. A lot of discovery of who I am and what I need to do to be happy.
Now, a lot of that came through some very rough days. Some very stress filled and maxed out emotionally days. Days I just wanted to be done and really truly forget a lot of things. Let me tell you, you don’t know what you have until you think it will be gone. Or you really do lose it. Sometimes though, thinking it will be gone makes you appreciate it all the more. It helps you relax and be who you really are. With or without that thing. Or in my case.. that person. If it is a person maybe you can even actually become closer with them. Sometimes you have to let them go for them to come back to you.
People who know me know I can be incredibly indecisive. I am also incredibly shy. So to others, I can come off as uptight or snobbish. When really its quit the opposite. I may be waiting playing out every conversation in my head and how it might go thinking thats enough. Not wanting to step on anyones toes. Thinking listening to your conversations is enough to get to know a person. When they aren’t getting to know *me* at all then. I come off as closed off. Let me tell you – being physically present and being mentally/emotionally are very different things. All I want is for you to say hi and start it though. Ask specific questions and I will answer (maybe even more than you want!). I have a hard time doing that. Especially when it comes to guys. I am awful in those situations!
So part of this month for me has been learning to relax. Putting myself in more intimate situations where others can know me. Trying to open up a little more.
It takes a lot of confidence in yourself. Something I don’t think I had. Something I am still working on.
While I in NO way think you need a boyfriend/husband. When you are 24 years old and never dated anyone or even known if anyone was ever even interested in you. You doubt yourself. A lot. Which makes you hide even more. Instead of coming out and showing them what they are missing!
So that is what this month has been for me. Its been hard. I have met a lot of ups and downs. The conversations and relationships you plan out in your head don’t always come true. That hurts. But then you find the beauty in it anyways. You find a different REAL relationship.
I am a dreamer. A romantic. A princess waiting for her knight/prince. I dream of grand gestures from guys and clear direction in what they want. When most guys – just aren’t like that. Girls, if you have one who is. Don’t let him go!
Many people also know I LOVE my dogs. I think part of this month for me has been finding my identity outside that though. Not just being the “dog girl” but the “fun and sweet girl” too. It has involved changes like making my room a dog free zone and deciding between dog friends and other friends. I still LOVE my dogs and have no intention of ever giving that up. I just needed to find a life outside it too. At least for now. It really helps me want to spend more time with my dogs too. Taking a step back so I can take one forward. Mentally the stress was ruining the fun.
I encourage you all to step out. Ask that girl out you have been watching (who knows maybe she was just too shy to say anything!), get to know that boy you like and make it clear, get to know that new person you crossed paths with, go deeper with your friends, make new friends, and anything else you feel the need to step out and do. The time is NOW. Don’t wait for that day its all perfect and clear – it may never come.
The moment to start “that thing” is right now – Lysa TerKeurst
I can’t say the coming weeks will be easy. Or that I have it all figured out. Its a major work in progress. I just ask that you pray for me. I will do the same for you. Just let me know what you need to work on!