Step Out

Do you ever feel like writing (or talking) every single thing on your mind out… but yet having nothing to say? Or nothing you can actually share out loud. I do. Thats pretty much where I am. I am going to share some anyways though. No matter the outcome!

I feel like the last month has been an extreme month of highs and lows. It has been a good month for me though.  A lot of discovery of who I am and what I need to do to be happy.

Now, a lot of that came through some very rough days. Some very stress filled and maxed out emotionally days. Days I just wanted to be done and really truly forget a lot of things. Let me tell you, you don’t know what you have until you think it will be gone. Or you really do lose it. Sometimes though, thinking it will be gone makes you appreciate it all the more. It helps you relax and be who you really are. With or without that thing. Or in my case.. that person. If it is a person maybe you can even actually become closer with them. Sometimes you have to let them go for them to come back to you.

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People who know me know I can be incredibly indecisive. I am also incredibly shy. So to others, I can come off as uptight or snobbish. When really its quit the opposite. I may be waiting playing out every conversation in my head and how it might go thinking thats enough. Not wanting to step on anyones toes. Thinking listening to your conversations is enough to get to know a person. When they aren’t getting to know *me* at all then. I come off as closed off. Let me tell you – being physically present and being mentally/emotionally are very different things. All I want is for you to say hi and start it though. Ask specific questions and I will answer (maybe even more than you want!). I have a hard time doing that. Especially when it comes to guys. I am awful in those situations!

So part of this month for me has been learning to relax. Putting myself in more intimate situations where others can know me. Trying to open up a little more.

It takes a lot of confidence in yourself. Something I don’t think I had. Something I am still working on.

While I in NO way think you need a boyfriend/husband. When you are 24 years old and never dated anyone or even known if anyone was ever even interested in you. You doubt yourself. A lot. Which makes you hide even more. Instead of coming out and showing them what they are missing!

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So that is what this month has been for me. Its been hard. I have met a lot of ups and downs. The conversations and relationships you plan out in your head don’t always come true. That hurts. But then you find the beauty in it anyways. You find a different REAL relationship.

I am a dreamer. A romantic. A princess waiting for her knight/prince. I dream of grand gestures from guys and clear direction in what they want. When most guys – just aren’t like that. Girls, if you have one who is. Don’t let him go!

Many people also know I LOVE my dogs. I think part of this month for me has been finding my identity outside that though. Not just being the “dog girl” but the “fun and sweet girl” too. It has involved changes like making my room a dog free zone and deciding between dog friends and other friends. I still LOVE my dogs and have no intention of ever giving that up. I just needed to find a life outside it too. At least for now. It really helps me want to spend more time with my dogs too. Taking a step back so I can take one forward. Mentally the stress was ruining the fun.

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I encourage you all to step out. Ask that girl out you have been watching (who knows maybe she was just too shy to say anything!), get to know that boy you like and make it clear, get to know that new person you crossed paths with, go deeper with your friends, make new friends, and anything else you feel the need to step out and do. The time is NOW. Don’t wait for that day its all perfect and clear – it may never come.

The moment to start “that thing” is right now – Lysa TerKeurst

I can’t say the coming weeks will be easy. Or that I have it all figured out. Its a major work in progress. I just ask that you pray for me. I will do the same for you. Just let me know what you need to work on!

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On this 3rd year of Joy…

Simple Definition of joy

  • : a feeling of great happiness

  • : a source or cause of great happiness : something or someone that gives joy to someone

  • : success in doing, finding, or getting something

 

3 years ago, Nov 11th, 2013, I got to meet the most perfect little thing I never knew I needed. My Elsie Joy. My first Niece. 

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Elsie and I have had a special bond since before she was born. We would laugh because she would be kicking up a storm and then I would start talking or go to feel and she would stop. I never once felt her move in the womb.

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I spent a crazy night in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for her to be born. It involved a lot of hashtags and movie watching with my other sister and a friend. What an exciting but exhausting night it was. Finally after 24 hours – Elsie Joy was here! All 10 lbs of her! That was a shock –  we expected a tiny blondie and got a giant dark haired baby. Beautiful and perfect all the same.

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That connection we had in the womb was instant when she came out too. It still is special and strong to this day. Elsie is way way way more outgoing than I am. She is everybody’s friend. Yet, at the end of the day. I am the first person she wants at her birthday party and listed as one of her best friends. Maybe its our matching middle names (Joy) or just our genuine love for everything. She is also very much like her mom. Who I still consider one of my best friends ❤ Which is probably also why we understand each other.

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I pray that never changes. I pray I can be the Aunt she ALWAYS feels like she can come too. I pray that we are always close. I pray we can always understand each other more than most anyone else. I pray we have fabulous adventures together. I pray we can fly a million kites, dance a billion dances, and sing a bajillion songs. Even if we are bad at all of them!

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I promise my dear Elsie to always support you. To be there to cheer you on in whatever you do. Wether you are the best Ballerina in the world or the worst piano player with a genuine heart to try it. I will be there. Even when I can’t physically be there I will be there in your heart. Your hugs are my favorite and I promise to be there to give you one anytime you need. Also to know when you just need space.

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I can’t promise to protect you from every evil. I wish I could. I pray that you will always have good people around you to protect you though. I pray you conquer the world and make it a better place. I pray you stay close to God and follow his plan for your life.

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I pray your leadership skills are used in the most perfect way. Remember though, you have those skills – you are not bossy! So be humble and kind too. Step aside and let others lead when it seems fit. Lead with passion and a love deeper than the surface.

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I love seeing you be a big sister! You have filled the role perfectly. We all know Sophie has not been an easy baby but you have handled the transition so well. I pray you both stay close and learn from each other. I am sure you will fight but I pray you always make up. Sisters are our best friends for life. No matter our differences.

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I also pray you love with all your heart. You already have so much compassion and love for a 3 year old. I pray you keep it always. Your parents have done an amazing job channeling that in you already. I can’t wait to see you grow and learn more. Your family is always here for you.

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Lastly, don’t grow up too fast. Cherish these days. I know I am. I love seeing YOU come out. I wish we could freeze time too though. I wish we could keep you little and innocent and safe. We will pray you on though and I trust in Gods plans for you.

I love you my kindred spirit Elsie Joy. Happy 3rd Birthday.

Much love and abounding joy,

Aunt Abby

(Abigale Joy)

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