Waiting.

I have been thinking lately and I have come to realize that I put my life on hold for the past year. Sure, I was living. I was doing things. I was trying to pass off to myself that I was just “finding myself”. Truth is, I was just waiting for someone do that for me.

I haven’t competed in agility in almost a year. I didn’t write on this blog for a year. I hardly saw some friends. I kept myself “busy” to avoid doing things.

Beth: If God wants me with Him, there is none who will stop Him. I don’t mind. I was never like the rest of you… making plans about the great things I’d do. I never saw myself as anything much. Not a great writer like you.

Jo: Beth, I’m not a great writer.

Beth: But you will be. Oh, Jo, I’ve missed you so. Why does everyone want to go away? I love being home. But I don’t like being left behind. Now I am the one going ahead. I am not afraid. I can be brave like you.

I started this blog based off this quote. I relate to Beth March so much. The gentle and quiet spirit of the March family. Beth’s life may not have been grand. She didn’t make great plans, she liked being home. You know what was great about Beth though, everyone had a special place for Beth in their heart. A place just as special as she had for them.

Life is about people. Life is about love. Thats what I want.

Amy: We’ll all grow up one day, Meg. We might as well know what we want.

I won’t say I cut these things out of my life but I for sure put a wall up in the last year. I’m sure many people in my life may disagree. However, I know that I started to wait for others to place themselves in my life. Instead of seeking them out and making sure they knew they had a place in my life.

I think there is many factors as to why this happened. The biggest one is probably my own self doubt. That I am not good enough. No one wants me in their life, if they do they can seek me out. Not in a horrible “no one loves me” sort of way. More in a I don’t know where I belong so I will wait and let someone show me.

I always thought growing up I would be married by now. I would have this life of marriage and kids and all that. I think I got stuck in thinking that was coming. In thinking that would just happen. Waiting to “start” my life expecting that to come and be my life. Thats not my life though. It IS the life of many around me though. I can embrace that and love it.. for them.

So, I am embracing the fact I am 25 years old and single. I have never dated anyone. I am waiting for the right one. I may have that life some day and I may not. I can be happy in my life either way. I can have experiences and loves. I can love people and they can love me.

Amy: You don’t need scores of suitors. You need only one… if he’s the right one.

I can do the things I love and not feel sorry about it. I can go to agility trials. I can write blog posts. I can take my nieces out. I can hang out with my friends. I can surprise people with random gifts. I can meet new people and see what relationships can come of it. I can do things with my family. I can make plans of where I want to live and what I want to do. I can take trips on my own and with others. I can be what I want to be right now. Not wait on what my life could/should be. I can live in the life God has planned for me in this season.

Jo March: I should have been a great many things, Mr. Mayer.

In Little Women Jo made great plans and thought she knew what her life was going to be. It wasn’t until Professor Bhaer reminder her though that her life, was her life now. It would take courage to embrace her life and use it.

And then Beth left them. Jo then found the courage to do it. To be the great writer. To write about her life. The life she planned may not have been.. but the life she needed was there all along.

And in the end….

Laurie: Someday you’ll find a man, a good man, and you’ll love him, and marry him, and live and die for him.

She not only found her life but found a love she didn’t even know she needed.

Friedrich: But I have nothing to give you. My hands are empty.

[entwines her hands with his]

Jo: Not empty now.

I have no doubt though that Jo would have had just as great a life on her own after that. Sometimes love though gives us more than just love. It gives us hope, courage, and the ability to be even more than we could imagine for ourselves. Sometimes, those things come even before the love.

So from here on. I choose to love people. To encourage them. To be with them. To be the person they need me to be at the time they need it. To not run from trouble. To share God and his love. To find life in the midst of life.

Friedrich: Your heart understood mine. In the depth of the fragrant night, I listened with ravished soul to your beloved voice. Your heart understood mine.

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Love over Everything

I didn’t want to rush into writing about this topic. Even commenting on other peoples thoughts. Its a serious problem that has a lot of heated sides too it. I didn’t want to add too it. I wanted to be a difference maker. So here goes…

As the incidence of mass shootings seems to be on the rise. We all seem to be blaming guns. We all seem to be blaming the tool used to do the killing. Lets take a look at this though…

Guns have been around since about the 15th century. People have been killing each other in mass murders since we were created. Now, does a gun make it easier to do so? Maybe, but a person who is intending to kill a group of people… will do it in whatever way they can. Hitler used gassing, Terrorists use planes and bombs, Pharaoh threw them in the Nile, Saul beat and imprisoned them, and Satan did it with wind (and every day with hurting people). If someones heart is so broken that they have an intent to kill. Satan will make sure they find a way.

The biggest thing I keep coming back to on this topic is this.. I keep imagining if it was MY loved one lost in one of these mass shootings. I can honestly say in all I have thought about this, I would not be mad at the gun that shot my loved one. I wouldn’t be worried about how they got the gun. If it was legal or not (news flash: bad people don’t use legal things anyways). I would be mad at the human who did. Because a gun CANNOT shoot itself. My loved one would not have been killed by a gun. They would have been killed by a gun in the hands of a very broken person.

My next thought would be how could someone have so much hurt they find this to be okay to do? What hurt happened to this person to make it seem like the only answer? However, I see it every day. It starts in little ways. People so upset and hurting that they just want to disappear. They want to live on a mountain alone. They want all human kind to just die. They want anyone who disagrees with them to go away (blocking on facebook – a common coping method – block it out and it doesn’t exist). They live in video games and movies, wishing it was real life or pretending that if they get it all out there it will be fine. One more night of Netflix alone instead of facing the world and seeing people.

We have become a broken nation. Not a strong one.

Its time to fix it. To love people. To heal the broken. No more fighting over what weapon they chose to use. Its time to be getting to the problem. The brokenness of people.

Judgement is not for me to decide. Judgement is for God. Everyone will answer to him in the end. Wether its for your lie you told or the people you murdered. Sin is Sin. Someones lie can turn into guilt/fear which can turn to anger which can turn to hate which leads to suffering (Yoda had it down!).

We are human. We were not promised a perfect life on this earth. We were promised a life that God would help us through if we keep ours eyes on him. When we let them wander, the devil is sure to catch your eye with fake promises and let in the evil.

I watched a movie this evening with a group of friends. There was a scene where the main character is sinking in a boat. Black goo swallowing him. The more he focuses on his past. On all the wrong doing and suffering and bad times. The more it sank. The more the goo took him over. But when he lifted his eyes and focused on Jesus. All the bad fell away. He had peace and safety in the boat. That is life.

The bad will always be there. We will have hard times. We will lose people. As long as we are of this world there will be suffering. Keep your eyes on him though. He will keep you above water. He will give justice to those who need it and love to all even when we don’t deserve it.

So I’m going to choose to love people. ALL people. No matter their beliefs, their pasts, or their circumstances. I would hope that someone would do the same for me. Overwhelming reckless love. Love with no boundaries.

Love does not equal weakness. Love does not equal turning a cheek to wrong doing. Love does not equal standing quiet in the face of danger.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs (!!). It does not delight in evil. It rejoices with the truth. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It always perseveres. Love never fails.

All people need is love. Hurting people are simply desperate for love.

Fatherless. Motherless. Friendless. Loverless. Siblingless. Grandparentless. Godless.

People are hurting all over just from a lack of love. Even worse, from complete and utter loneliness. From feeling like they don’t fit in. From being bullied for their looks or their personality or their hobbies. From feeling empty with nothing to fill them up. Lets change the status quo.

Fight for love. Not for guns. Or against guns. Fight for people. Even the ones who do bad things, because they are probably hurting most of all to be in that place. Everyones circumstances (and how they handle them) put them where they are today in this moment.

And not just any love. Gods perfect all powerful and never ending reckless love for ALL his people.

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

  • Reckless Love – Cody Asbury

I know this won’t be the most popular opinion. However, it is the only logical and hopeful one I can find. There is hope even in dark times. That hope is Jesus. God’s loving sacrifice for all our wrong doing. The only thing that can truly fill you up and give you hope. We were made to be loved by God and to love others in the same way he loves us. I want to state right now, I am always available if you have questions about this hope and love through Christ. He is the answer in this dark world. He is the light. I will not stand by and let more people hide in darkness. I will not let more people feel so unloved all they have left is the pitch dark sadness. I will be the match that starts the flame. I will use my own messy but beautiful garden of life to help others.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

– John 3:16-21