I have been thinking lately and I have come to realize that I put my life on hold for the past year. Sure, I was living. I was doing things. I was trying to pass off to myself that I was just “finding myself”. Truth is, I was just waiting for someone do that for me.
I haven’t competed in agility in almost a year. I didn’t write on this blog for a year. I hardly saw some friends. I kept myself “busy” to avoid doing things.
Beth: If God wants me with Him, there is none who will stop Him. I don’t mind. I was never like the rest of you… making plans about the great things I’d do. I never saw myself as anything much. Not a great writer like you.
Jo: Beth, I’m not a great writer.
Beth: But you will be. Oh, Jo, I’ve missed you so. Why does everyone want to go away? I love being home. But I don’t like being left behind. Now I am the one going ahead. I am not afraid. I can be brave like you.
I started this blog based off this quote. I relate to Beth March so much. The gentle and quiet spirit of the March family. Beth’s life may not have been grand. She didn’t make great plans, she liked being home. You know what was great about Beth though, everyone had a special place for Beth in their heart. A place just as special as she had for them.
Life is about people. Life is about love. Thats what I want.
Amy: We’ll all grow up one day, Meg. We might as well know what we want.
I won’t say I cut these things out of my life but I for sure put a wall up in the last year. I’m sure many people in my life may disagree. However, I know that I started to wait for others to place themselves in my life. Instead of seeking them out and making sure they knew they had a place in my life.
I think there is many factors as to why this happened. The biggest one is probably my own self doubt. That I am not good enough. No one wants me in their life, if they do they can seek me out. Not in a horrible “no one loves me” sort of way. More in a I don’t know where I belong so I will wait and let someone show me.
I always thought growing up I would be married by now. I would have this life of marriage and kids and all that. I think I got stuck in thinking that was coming. In thinking that would just happen. Waiting to “start” my life expecting that to come and be my life. Thats not my life though. It IS the life of many around me though. I can embrace that and love it.. for them.
So, I am embracing the fact I am 25 years old and single. I have never dated anyone. I am waiting for the right one. I may have that life some day and I may not. I can be happy in my life either way. I can have experiences and loves. I can love people and they can love me.
Amy: You don’t need scores of suitors. You need only one… if he’s the right one.
I can do the things I love and not feel sorry about it. I can go to agility trials. I can write blog posts. I can take my nieces out. I can hang out with my friends. I can surprise people with random gifts. I can meet new people and see what relationships can come of it. I can do things with my family. I can make plans of where I want to live and what I want to do. I can take trips on my own and with others. I can be what I want to be right now. Not wait on what my life could/should be. I can live in the life God has planned for me in this season.
Jo March: I should have been a great many things, Mr. Mayer.
In Little Women Jo made great plans and thought she knew what her life was going to be. It wasn’t until Professor Bhaer reminder her though that her life, was her life now. It would take courage to embrace her life and use it.
And then Beth left them. Jo then found the courage to do it. To be the great writer. To write about her life. The life she planned may not have been.. but the life she needed was there all along.
And in the end….
Laurie: Someday you’ll find a man, a good man, and you’ll love him, and marry him, and live and die for him.
She not only found her life but found a love she didn’t even know she needed.
Friedrich: But I have nothing to give you. My hands are empty.
[entwines her hands with his]
Jo: Not empty now.
I have no doubt though that Jo would have had just as great a life on her own after that. Sometimes love though gives us more than just love. It gives us hope, courage, and the ability to be even more than we could imagine for ourselves. Sometimes, those things come even before the love.
So from here on. I choose to love people. To encourage them. To be with them. To be the person they need me to be at the time they need it. To not run from trouble. To share God and his love. To find life in the midst of life.
Friedrich: Your heart understood mine. In the depth of the fragrant night, I listened with ravished soul to your beloved voice. Your heart understood mine.